My Commitment to my Inner Work

I’ve been sitting with this thought for a while, reflecting on how my life has unfolded over the last few years. And yes, when I look honestly, I do find myself in a very beautiful place.

It’s not that my life is free from pain or sadness.

But I don’t resist my uncomfortable emotions the way I used to.

I can sit with them, allow them to move through my body, and let them pass. And because of that, in very simple words, I feel more alive. More radiant.

When I look at the trajectory of my life, it’s clearly different from most people I went to school with, and most people I went to college with.

What I do today is very different from what I studied as part of my formal education.

No wonder it’s called formal.

Haha.

I grew up being a smart, curious thinker. That curiosity dimmed a bit in college, or maybe I was just shocked by how college life actually was, and by what people around me were doing.

I slowly drifted toward what gave me pleasure, not joy, just short-term pleasure.

But soon, though “soon” lasted a few years , I simply got bored.

None of that satisfaction lasted. It couldn’t fill me. I wanted more. I was hungry for more. Somewhere deep down, I knew life had to be bigger than this.

In a strange way, I’m grateful for my back pain, my heartbreak, and my academic failure. They initiated me into wanting a better life. That’s when I began reading, journaling, and returning to that curiosity that had always been there.

For the first time, I felt like I was doing something I had always wanted to do.

I’m thankful for my college years, especially those extra two years - but I also knew I couldn’t stay there forever.

I needed to commit to something that only I could create.

So I made a decision to become disciplined. I started journaling, reading, building practices. But more than anything, my awareness began increasing rapidly. And very early, I saw the real problem.

I was addicted to my thinking.

Most of my thoughts weren’t even useful. That realization didn’t throw me into darkness, because I also saw something else, I wasn’t alone. Almost everyone around me was doing the same thing: constantly thinking, rarely present.

At that time, I had no idea how this journey would unfold. I didn’t know it would break me open, toss me around, and ask me to let go of everything that wasn’t real or true to me.

From the outside, it might look like a gradual process.

From the inside, it has been intensely transformative.

Coming back to my commitment to inner work, I often wonder what keeps me going - what makes me choose my soul growth again and again.

Is it my desire to live with joy and ecstasy?

Is it that I feel bored, lost, and weak when I don’t show up for my practices?

Is it my desire to live fully, to express fully, or to be of service to the world?

I don’t really know.

What I do know is this: when things get emotionally hard, when my mind feels overwhelmed, I don’t get stuck there.

My commitment deepens. I start seeing clearly where I’ve been betraying myself, where I’ve been tolerating the bare minimum. And naturally, I begin to make exits - rising into a higher version of myself.

Honestly, I don’t know what my life would look like without this commitment. But I also don’t think there’s anything more important than being committed to your inner work.

Because when you do the work, you change how you see yourself.

You discover an immense amount of love within. And slowly, many of the things you were chasing on the outside start to feel… unnecessary. Even foolish.

You see how much of it was just distraction, a way to avoid sitting with yourself, sitting with your pain.

So, If you’re even a little aware, you stop putting all your effort into the outside world and start investing it inward.

At first, sitting with that pain feels harder. You want to run. You want to escape.

But that’s the way.

The cave you’re afraid to enter is where the treasure lies.

It’s where you meet yourself.

It’s where you meet God.

It’s where all the answers are.